I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
