Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
