i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
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I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS