So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob