This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
