There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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