found the other keg... it's in the tree
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
