So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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