My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
