i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
