Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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