its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
