I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
