dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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