Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
