hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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