Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
