wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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