You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
