the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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