Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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