And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
