I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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