My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
