I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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