My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just threw up on my dentist
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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