Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
