I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
