Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
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Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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