I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My first STD was from a foam party
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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