i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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