his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize