It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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