There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sext me about skeletons
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
