We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
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We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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