You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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