Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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