On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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