she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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