Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
