I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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