I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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