so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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