Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
