I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
