3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
