Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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