I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
