I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
