His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize