check it out our google latitudes are spooning
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
