Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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