So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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