Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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