well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
