The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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