respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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