I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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