Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
