the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
