Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
