Pants 0. Shit 1.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
